if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
