i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
