ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
