The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So drunk its hurt
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
