a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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