he told me I talked like a deaf person
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
