So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
