You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
