Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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