He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
how does that bad decision feel?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
