Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
