My friends, they love my intelligence
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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