Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
