we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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