I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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