im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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