how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
