By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
