i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
