Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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