He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
