Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
