just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
