Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
