im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Actions speak louder than pants.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
