i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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