In the future we'll all be gay
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish I only lived at night.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
