Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
