Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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