You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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