69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
