It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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