I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
my liver is dry heaving
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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