Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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