just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We were destined to go to rehab together
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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