Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
