My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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