I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
