She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
