Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
