cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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