Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
