my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
