absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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