PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
