He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
