we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just blew my weed a kiss
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
