C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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