shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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