Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
